Cheeeee-zeeee

Okay so here is my public confession...I LOVE Beverly Hills 90210...always have.

You see as a young teen, the height of 90210 popularity, I was not really allowed to watch the show. Not that that has stopped me from watching/doing something EVER IN MY LIFE! Yeah that's just me, defiant!

Anyways so I found ways around being able to watch it and now I find that they play it for 2 hours a day on SoapNet...so here I am watching it again. And PS I don't really "get" why I wasn't allowed to watch it, it's not that bad. More cheezy than anything.

Okay so here we are up to the college years and Valerie, AKA Kelly Kapowsk,i has moved into the Walshes house. Troubled girl moves in with wholesome all American family.

So I am watching the daily episode and Kelly runs upstairs to use the bathroom and all of a sudden her nose is twitching like a bunny or like Samantha from Bewitched....Oh and isn't it obvious what's going on, what she is smelling? She knocks on the door and there on the other side of the door Valerie quickly puts out her joint, waving away the smoke swiftly and nervously.

The dramatic music plays and Kelly asks what's that smell?

Incense...

Of course it is.

Kelly runs downstairs, dramatic music still going, and she tells good ole' Brandon.

"I think that Valerie has a drug problem, she must be a pothead".

Okay I have never been a pothead nor do I condone smoking weed per say but I don't really care if someone does smoke it. I have/have had many friends who you would probably called potheads, stoners, etc. I don't do it, I don't want to be around it, I don't want my baby around it but honestly pot smoking is not really something to be overly concerned about...who cares!

But Kelly, oh she's acting like Valerie is hooked on heroin. Oh so dramatic, oh so cheezy I love it! And besides is Kelly really one to judge? If I remember correctly she at some point has a cocaine problem.

But of course the wholesome, virginal, happy-go-lucky Donna Martin is my favorite!

Oh and I like Tori Spelling just as much as her alter-ego. Duh "Tori and Dean" is like the cutest reality show ever.

Feeling a bit blue today

I am feeling down lately. I think because it's summer and the heat makes me really irritable and add to that the fact that since Olivia is almost 4 months old it's really not socially acceptable to wear pj pants all day long anymore...

I feel like I have nothing to wear. All my pre-pregnant clothes fit but i just feel like they don't look right on me anymore.

And this I never thought I would ever complain about....being a rather small chested girl for the past 27 years....but....

I HATE HAVING BIGGER BOOBS!

I hate it! They are so big, well big for me and what I was used to before. And especially in this sweltering heat...they just feel sweaty and huge and urghhhh I miss not having to always wear a bra. Not to mention I hate nursing bras! Maybe there are some normal ones out there but these quasi sport bra soft things just feel yucky and tight. I feel like my boobs are squished as opposed to lifted up...what a bra is supposed to do. I have tried other brands and kinds but none seem to feel comfortable

I feel so insecure in my own skin...no cute clothes to wear, gross huge boobs, everything feels tight and restricting.....aghhhhhhh!!!!!!

as far as my body is concerned I know it wouldn't take much effort to lose some weight to make the clothes fit the way they used to...but I literally feel like I never have the time...it's stupid!

Then there is my hair....oh man....will I ever be happy with my hair? It seems like an impossible dream....

I had it cut shortly after Liv was born and well it was a disaster. Mitch's sister did it and she went to hair school and everything and she does everyone else's hair so well...but mine was uneven and choppy and I HATED IT! Having faith that she could fix it I let her try to even out the layers and well now it's just shorter and worse...then there's the color. Hmmmmffft I think I need a new paragraph to discuss the color...

Well on the insistence of Mitchell and my mother I did not dye my naturally dirty dark blond hair during my pregnancy...well at least not the last three months of it anyways. This resulted in massive roots. So since I am cheap I dyed it myself after she was born and since the bottom was already light it just got lighter while the root area just turned a weird reddish blond....so to wrap it up it's short, uneven and two-toned. Actually three toned because it has grown since that initial dye job 2 months ago so it's like a weird blond Neapolitan ice cream thing...dirty blond, strawberry blond and light blond. I should just dye it dark...what I wanted to do in the first place but thought since the majority of it was already so light it would be easier to just go that route...

Next everyone told me that my hair would fall out after pregnancy. When it didn't happen I figured maybe I just was lucky or something. Well nobody told me that it would happen like 3 and a half months after the birth. I am not going bald by any means because I already have pretty thick hair but there is hair everywhere. I always find it on my shoulder, in my bed, on the floor, all over Olivia's things, usually in Olivia's hands and crevices...in my crevices. It's so annoying that when I run my hands through my hair there is always at least 6-7 strands of hair in between my fingers. Then when I wash it...oh man tons of hair just falls out. I don't care that it's falling out because my volume of hair really doesn't feel any different...i just hate it because it's just gross!

Also I have pretty much stopped wearing make-up...stopped at about 7 months pregnant...who cares right? Well I am beginning to think I should start wearing it again but I feel like a 12 year old not knowing how or what to do with eye shadow or liner or anything anymore.

Somebody call "What Not To Wear" for me...I need help!